MADISON, WI—Wheels kicking up dust as her car peeled out of the driveway, local grandmother Delores Hanson jumped into her 2005 Buick Lesabre for an emergency birdseed run, sources confirmed Wednesday.
INNISKILL, RISonny Jim, a 9-month-old goldfish, can no longer tolerate his bowlmate, 9-month-old goldfish Sally. "Always hanging out at the top of the bowl, looking for food, just waiting, blocking the light," Sonny Jim said Monday. "Never moves. Just eats and craps and does that annoying thing with his mouth. Unless I want to go in the castle. Then, bam! Sally's right there hogging the whole thing. Also, 'Sally?' A guy. What's with that?" The beleaguered miniature carp said he would prefer rooming with a "psychotic betta fish" and wouldn't care if Sally jumped out of the bowl.