CLEVELAND—Calling it a complete and utter failure not worthy of Major League Baseball, sources at Progressive Field confirmed Monday that the stadium’s pathetic home run animation doesn’t even show a baseball screaming as it leaves Earth and flies into outer space.
BRISTOL, CT—PGA Tour veteran Brad Faxon suffered a near-total loss of composure Tuesday during the filming of SportsCenter's Budweiser Hot Seat segment when anchor Scott Van Pelt fired a flurry of questions at Faxon, the last of which dealt with whether Faxon believes his putting stroke will hold up during the 2006 U.S. Open. "Why? Do you think something is wrong with my putting? Why shouldn't my stroke hold up? Have you been watching me? Why is it so dark in here?" Faxon said while biting his fingernails, sweating profusely, and looking around in an agitated fashion. "I have rights, you know! I'm going to call my fucking attorney, and your ass is going to be fired! All of your asses!" When Van Pelt informed Faxon that he was "now off the Budweiser Hot Seat," a relieved Faxon thanked God and broke down in tears.