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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Golf’s Most Prestigious Championships

  • The Open: The oldest of golf majors is believed to have been performed as a druidic fertility ritual
  • The Players: Annual Florida golf championship famous for its 924-hole endurance course
  • Delaware Water Gap Country Club Senior Tournament: This long-standing weekend event boasts an all-you-can-eat buffet with shrimp cocktail and $2 Yuengling pints
  • Ryder Cup: The winner of this biennial tournament between European and American golfers determines which nation will colonize the others until the next competition
  • PGA Championship: You get the gist

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