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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Goodell: 'I'd Definitely Let My Son Ruin Football'

NEW YORK—In response to accusations that his policies are hurting the game of football, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told CBS’s Face the Nation Sunday that he would have no problem letting his own son ruin the sport. “If my son wanted to make a series of catastrophic rule changes that destroy everything people enjoy about football, there’s no question: Yes, I would let him do that,” said Goodell, who argued that the value of defiling an American tradition far outweighs the risk of public backlash. “I myself have been ruining football for almost seven years, and nothing in my life has been more rewarding. I certainly would want my son to have the same opportunity to mangle and dilute the game that I did.” Goodell added that, unfortunately, his two children are both girls, which means neither can ever be NFL commissioner.

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