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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Goodell Too Busy To Enjoy NFL Season Opener

NEW YORK—Claiming that he personally was required to get everything precisely right in order for the world to enjoy the opening football games of the season, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell found himself unable to enjoy the season opener Thursday, as he was too busy with exhausting, time-consuming preparations. "I have such a busy NFL schedule that I don't have time to watch football for even a minute," said Goodell, who stayed up late the night before laying out each team's uniforms, cooking 2.2 million hot dogs, and applying paint to the league's facilities and fans. "Wait, did I put clean towels in the visitors' locker rooms? I really must take care of that right after I mow the NFC North's fields one more time. They look a little shaggy." Goodell, who hasn't had a free moment in weeks, was also concerned that the RCA Dome wouldn't have enough seats for everyone and said he should probably bring some more up from the basement.

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