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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Goodell Too Busy To Enjoy NFL Season Opener

NEW YORK—Claiming that he personally was required to get everything precisely right in order for the world to enjoy the opening football games of the season, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell found himself unable to enjoy the season opener Thursday, as he was too busy with exhausting, time-consuming preparations. "I have such a busy NFL schedule that I don't have time to watch football for even a minute," said Goodell, who stayed up late the night before laying out each team's uniforms, cooking 2.2 million hot dogs, and applying paint to the league's facilities and fans. "Wait, did I put clean towels in the visitors' locker rooms? I really must take care of that right after I mow the NFC North's fields one more time. They look a little shaggy." Goodell, who hasn't had a free moment in weeks, was also concerned that the RCA Dome wouldn't have enough seats for everyone and said he should probably bring some more up from the basement.

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