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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Goose Gossage Admitted Into Hall Of Fame After Correctly Answering Three Baseball History Questions

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Former relief pitcher Rich "Goose" Gossage was admitted into the Baseball Hall of Fame Sunday after correctly answering the requisite three baseball history questions, ranging from "Which major-league player broke the MLB's color barrier?" to "Yankee Stadium was nicknamed 'The House That Ruth Built' in honor of which Yankee slugger?" "I got lucky with this year's questions," said Gossage, who in 2002 came within one correct answer of making it into the Hall of Fame only to incorrectly guess "Rickey Henderson" on his final question. "The first two answers that year were Rickey Henderson, so I just assumed the last one would be, too. They like to play mind games with you, which is why I was hesitant to answer 'Goose Gossage' on the final question this year." Mark McGwire once again failed to make it into Cooperstown after failing to name every major-league player born in Iowa.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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