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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Goose Gossage Admitted Into Hall Of Fame After Correctly Answering Three Baseball History Questions

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Former relief pitcher Rich "Goose" Gossage was admitted into the Baseball Hall of Fame Sunday after correctly answering the requisite three baseball history questions, ranging from "Which major-league player broke the MLB's color barrier?" to "Yankee Stadium was nicknamed 'The House That Ruth Built' in honor of which Yankee slugger?" "I got lucky with this year's questions," said Gossage, who in 2002 came within one correct answer of making it into the Hall of Fame only to incorrectly guess "Rickey Henderson" on his final question. "The first two answers that year were Rickey Henderson, so I just assumed the last one would be, too. They like to play mind games with you, which is why I was hesitant to answer 'Goose Gossage' on the final question this year." Mark McGwire once again failed to make it into Cooperstown after failing to name every major-league player born in Iowa.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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