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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.
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GOP Asks "Does Obama Love Bo?"

The GOP is contending Obama doesn't actually love his Portuguese Water Dog, Bo. Their claims include:

  • Obama rarely calls Bo good boy or scratches his ears.
  • The president admitted he "doesn't know" which day Bo gets his monthly heartworm preventative.
  • Obama has not clipped Bo's nail's once. The duty falls to others in White House staff.
  • Bo is often left to sleep in hallway while president receives his Daily Briefing.
  • Last year, Obama failed to step up and defend Bo when an internet user called dog "stupid looking."
  • Obama has not once taken his dog to visit the troops.
  • The president has only been photographed with Bo once in the past week.
  • Obama has never proven he knows how to throw a frisbee.
  • White House sources contend Obama does not even own Snausages.

Full coverage, including record-pacing opinions from the First Responders, Friday at 10/9c, on IFC TV.

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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

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