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Google Unveils New Larry Page–Driven Car

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Touting the project as its most advanced foray yet into the realm of personal transportation, Google unveiled its new Larry Page–driven car at a press event Wednesday.

Trump Outlines Bold Vision For Nation’s Next Mass Protests

WASHINGTON—Stirring the emotions of citizens across the nation with his strong and affecting rhetoric, President Donald Trump outlined a bold vision for the country’s next mass protests during his address to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night.

What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.
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GOP Asks "Does Obama Love Bo?"

The GOP is contending Obama doesn't actually love his Portuguese Water Dog, Bo. Their claims include:

  • Obama rarely calls Bo good boy or scratches his ears.
  • The president admitted he "doesn't know" which day Bo gets his monthly heartworm preventative.
  • Obama has not clipped Bo's nail's once. The duty falls to others in White House staff.
  • Bo is often left to sleep in hallway while president receives his Daily Briefing.
  • Last year, Obama failed to step up and defend Bo when an internet user called dog "stupid looking."
  • Obama has not once taken his dog to visit the troops.
  • The president has only been photographed with Bo once in the past week.
  • Obama has never proven he knows how to throw a frisbee.
  • White House sources contend Obama does not even own Snausages.

Full coverage, including record-pacing opinions from the First Responders, Friday at 10/9c, on IFC TV.

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