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GOP Candidates Fiercely Divided Over How Much Voltage Border Wall Should Be Electrified With

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Election 2016

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.
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Election 2016

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GOP Candidates Fiercely Divided Over How Much Voltage Border Wall Should Be Electrified With

WASHINGTON—With various proposals emerging as key components of each of the 2016 presidential hopefuls’ immigration policies, sources confirmed Thursday that the Republican field remains sharply divided regarding how much voltage should be used to electrify a border wall with Mexico. “This continues to be one of the most contentious issues within the GOP ranks, with more moderate voices like Jeb Bush advocating for the fence to deliver a mild shock of 75 volts, while others, such as Ted Cruz and Donald Trump, contend that no less than 20,000 volts coursing through the entire length of the 1,900-mile fence is needed to protect American interests,” said political analyst Bryant Suthers, adding that even candidates who typically share common ground, such as Mike Huckabee and Bobby Jindal, differ dramatically on how far backward they believe the fence’s electrical charge should blow would-be illegal immigrants when the wires are contacted. “And this is to say nothing of Ben Carson’s flip-flopping on whether to use a standard alternating current or a potentially more dangerous direct current, or the constant squabbling over how loudly the electrified wall should crackle and buzz to serve as a deterrent to any potential migrants and their children. It will be interesting to see which candidate’s views emerge victorious, as this is an issue that the party’s base is eager to see come to fruition.” Suthers noted, however, that none of the candidates had yet put forward any details about how they would fund the construction of the electrified wall or the specially trained border patrol units needed to scrape the charred remains of Mexicans off its surface.


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