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GOP Candidates Fiercely Divided Over How Much Voltage Border Wall Should Be Electrified With

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Election 2016

Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Election 2016

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GOP Candidates Fiercely Divided Over How Much Voltage Border Wall Should Be Electrified With

WASHINGTON—With various proposals emerging as key components of each of the 2016 presidential hopefuls’ immigration policies, sources confirmed Thursday that the Republican field remains sharply divided regarding how much voltage should be used to electrify a border wall with Mexico. “This continues to be one of the most contentious issues within the GOP ranks, with more moderate voices like Jeb Bush advocating for the fence to deliver a mild shock of 75 volts, while others, such as Ted Cruz and Donald Trump, contend that no less than 20,000 volts coursing through the entire length of the 1,900-mile fence is needed to protect American interests,” said political analyst Bryant Suthers, adding that even candidates who typically share common ground, such as Mike Huckabee and Bobby Jindal, differ dramatically on how far backward they believe the fence’s electrical charge should blow would-be illegal immigrants when the wires are contacted. “And this is to say nothing of Ben Carson’s flip-flopping on whether to use a standard alternating current or a potentially more dangerous direct current, or the constant squabbling over how loudly the electrified wall should crackle and buzz to serve as a deterrent to any potential migrants and their children. It will be interesting to see which candidate’s views emerge victorious, as this is an issue that the party’s base is eager to see come to fruition.” Suthers noted, however, that none of the candidates had yet put forward any details about how they would fund the construction of the electrified wall or the specially trained border patrol units needed to scrape the charred remains of Mexicans off its surface.


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