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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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GOP 'Ins' Alabama Representative

WASHINGTON, DC—In another high-profile inning, Republican leaders praised
homosexual Rep. Tom Priegle (R-AL) as "a dedicated husband and father who's fighting for old-fashioned values." "Rep. Priegle, your deep commitment to the family and the homespun values that made America great are what this party is all about," Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) said of the now secretly gay Priegle. "You are to be commended for your dedication to God and country." Priegle is the fifth member of Congress to be inned by the GOP since 1996.

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