GOP Promotes Carly Fiorina To Male Candidate After Strong Debate Showing

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Election 2016

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.

Ted Cruz Dressed For Campaign Rally By Swarm Of Loyal Vermin

INDIANAPOLIS—In what has reportedly become a daily routine on the campaign trail, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz stood alone in the center of his hotel suite Tuesday morning where he was carefully dressed and groomed by a swarm of loyal vermin.

How The GOP Plans To Stop Trump

In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

It Unclear Why Thousands Of Loud, Chanting Trump Supporters Gathering Outside Arena In Iowa

‘There’s No Event Here, But They Keep Coming,’ Say Concerned Stadium Staff

DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.
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Election 2016

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GOP Promotes Carly Fiorina To Male Candidate After Strong Debate Showing

WASHINGTON—Saying she had proven herself to be a formidable contender worthy of respect, GOP leaders announced Thursday that Carly Fiorina had been officially promoted to a male candidate after her strong showing in last night’s primary debate. “Given her steady rise in the polls and her consistent performance on the national stage, we have determined that Ms. Fiorina’s skills as a speaker and compelling ideas about foreign and domestic policy merit her recognition as male,” said Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus, adding that the former Hewlett-Packard CEO had impressed GOP officials with her breadth of knowledge, her confidence, and her ability to doggedly attack both Democrats and her primary opponents, and therefore deserved to have the label of “female” removed entirely. “We are pleased to be able to offer Ms. Fiorina the increased respect and media coverage that come with being a male candidate. Allow me to be the first to congratulate him and say that he has certainly earned it.” Priebus added that the committee was still reviewing Marco Rubio’s performance, but was strongly considering promoting him to white.

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