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Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

What Is Trump Hiding?

As The Onion’s 300,000 staffers in its news bureaus and manual labor camps around the world continue to pore through the immense trove of documents obtained from an anonymous White House source, the answers that are emerging to these questions are deeply unnerving and suggest grave outcomes for the American people, the current international order, Wolf Blitzer, four of the five Great Lakes, and most devastatingly, the nation’s lighthouses and lighthouse keepers.

Deep Blue Quietly Celebrates 10th Anniversary With Garry Kasparov’s Ex-Wife

PITTSBURGH—Red wine and candlelight on the table before them, Deep Blue, the supercomputer that defeated reigning world chess champion Garry Kasparov in 1997, and Kasparov’s ex-wife, Yulia Vovk, quietly celebrated their 10th anniversary on Wednesday at a small French restaurant near Carnegie Mellon University, where Deep Blue was created.
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Gore Wins Oscar, Nobel Peace Prize For Slide-Show Presentation

STOCKHOLM—2007 was an extraordinary year for former vice president Al Gore, who received the highest honors in both film and humanitarianism for his tireless efforts in creating a visually pleasing, hour-long slide-show presentation using the popular computer program Keynote.

Gore displays his vast knowledge of the program's "custom shape" tool.

The slide show, which features approximately 80 full-color pictures of landforms and people, as well as a vast array of detailed line and bar graphs, proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that a successful visual presentation must utilize both an application's audio and graphic capabilities. Furthermore, Gore effectively silenced many of his critics by incorporating short videos.

"The Nobel Committee was deeply moved by Mr. Gore's passion for making a clear, concise, easy-to-watch slide show," Professor Geir Lundestad, director of the Nobel Institute, told reporters in late October. "[The slide show] truly displayed how well-placed transitions—be they dissolves, wipes, or splits—can really tie a presentation together."

Added Lundestad: "Also, the slides with multi-image animation were cool."

In February, Gore's montage of satellite images and title slides was awarded an Oscar by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and was hailed for presenting a "truly global message" with a clear beginning, middle, and end.

"I was stunned," said Phoenix resident Amy Swinton, 23, who saw the slide show twice in theaters. "It turns out that you don't always need flashy fonts or background colors to make a great multimedia presentation. Simple white text on an all black background can be very effective."

Swinton later called the slide show extremely informative, saying that over the course of two hours she was completely convinced of the reality of Keynote's "bounce" slide-transition option.

"I think these awards will help give even more weight to Mr. Gore's ultimate message," New York Times columnist Paul Krugman wrote. "In our changing world, it is absolutely essential that all of us do our part to stay informed about the various eye-catching possibilities of today's slide-show software."

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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

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