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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Government Report On Illiteracy Copied Straight From Encyclopedia

WASHINGTON, DC–Scandal erupted Monday, when it was discovered that a recent Department of Education report on illiteracy was copied directly from the 1982 Encyclopedia Britannica. "Illiteracy is the inability to read," the plagiarized report read in part. "It affects many nations, including the United States." Responding to the controversy, Education Secretary Rod Paige argued that the department was told it could use Library of Congress materials in reports.

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