adBlockCheck

Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
End Of Section
  • More News

Governor Approves 24-Hour Waiting Period For Women Voters

MADISON, WI—In a long-awaited follow-up to the 24-hour hold on women’s checks, Gov. Tommy Thompson signed a bill yesterday requiring a 24-hour waiting period for women vo-ters. According to the bill, women will come to their polling location and receive counseling and ad-vice concerning their political selections, and will be shown pictures of both candidates to help them decide for whom they want to vote. Thompson stressed that not only do women have a “right to know,” but also that “by having to make two trips to the polls, they will be less likely to make the foolish mistakes their sex is often prone to make.” The Wisconsin Chapter of the National Orga-nization for Women pro-tested the bill with a rally outside the Capitol, claim-ing that the new measure prevents wo-men from voting, as they would be returning to the polls the day after the election. Thompson was unavailable for comment, but John Haines, his press secretary, dismissed the allegations as an emotional over-reaction typical of women. He added that the ad-ministration is looking in-to a 24-hour waiting period for ral-lies by wo-men’s groups to make sure they understand all the facts before protesting. “Per-haps, once again, pictures could be used to assist the women in their decision-making pro-cess,” Haines said.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close