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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Governor Demands To Know Which Star On American Flag Is Iowa’s

DES MOINES, IA—Saying the state’s residents had been left in the dark for far too long, Gov. Terry Branstad demanded Monday that the federal government reveal which star on the American flag belonged to Iowa. “As both proud Iowans and patriotic American citizens, we have a right to know the exact row and column of our star,” said Branstad, voicing concerns that it “better not be on the bottom or way off to the side.” “Are they arranged by geographical location? Or is it by when each state joined the Union? Whatever it is, I just think we should be able to look at the flag and point to where our star is. Otherwise, it seems pointless to even have them on there at all.” Branstad added that the inability to identify Iowa’s star was particularly egregious since it was well-known that the stars’ blue background represented Guam.

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