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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Governor Demands To Know Which Star On American Flag Is Iowa’s

DES MOINES, IA—Saying the state’s residents had been left in the dark for far too long, Gov. Terry Branstad demanded Monday that the federal government reveal which star on the American flag belonged to Iowa. “As both proud Iowans and patriotic American citizens, we have a right to know the exact row and column of our star,” said Branstad, voicing concerns that it “better not be on the bottom or way off to the side.” “Are they arranged by geographical location? Or is it by when each state joined the Union? Whatever it is, I just think we should be able to look at the flag and point to where our star is. Otherwise, it seems pointless to even have them on there at all.” Branstad added that the inability to identify Iowa’s star was particularly egregious since it was well-known that the stars’ blue background represented Guam.

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