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Governor Demands To Know Which Star On American Flag Is Iowa’s

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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Governor Demands To Know Which Star On American Flag Is Iowa’s

DES MOINES, IA—Saying the state’s residents had been left in the dark for far too long, Gov. Terry Branstad demanded Monday that the federal government reveal which star on the American flag belonged to Iowa. “As both proud Iowans and patriotic American citizens, we have a right to know the exact row and column of our star,” said Branstad, voicing concerns that it “better not be on the bottom or way off to the side.” “Are they arranged by geographical location? Or is it by when each state joined the Union? Whatever it is, I just think we should be able to look at the flag and point to where our star is. Otherwise, it seems pointless to even have them on there at all.” Branstad added that the inability to identify Iowa’s star was particularly egregious since it was well-known that the stars’ blue background represented Guam.

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