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Governor Too Embarrassed To Say Which State He Leads

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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Governor Too Embarrassed To Say Which State He Leads

WASHINGTON—According to event attendees, after numerous failed attempts to steer the subject away from his occupation, an American governor in town for a fundraiser Thursday at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts finally acknowledged he was the elected leader of one of the 50 states, but refused to say which. "It's out west," said the governor, who sources confirmed usually just mumbles something about working in public service when meeting new people. "You've probably never heard of it. Whatever, it's not important." After eventually admitting it was not Wyoming, the governor hastily excused himself and went back to his hotel room, where he reportedly became so flustered he completely forgot to grant clemency to that inmate scheduled for execution.

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