Grace North Answers Your Questions

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.

Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids
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Grace North Answers Your Questions

Grace North, wife of Congressman Ronald North guest blogs today, answering your questions about how to move on in the face of personal adversity.

Grace, you've been such an inspiration. Three years ago, my husband left me for a much younger woman. I know I should move on, but I can't. Any advice?
--Kelly B, Huntington Beach, CA

Kelly, all I can say is that it takes time, so don't beat yourself up. In fact, indulge yourself, perhaps with a few of our French Colonial throw pillows. Their rich fabrics and sophisticated accents will complement any traditional or contemporary decorating scheme.

Your story has truly moved me. I am in awe of your strength. My ex-husband refuses to pay child support and has not come to visit our son in over a year. How do you explain these "adult" things to young children?
--Maya R, Florence, SC

Well, Maya, it's never easy, but try to deal with it on their level. For instance, our youngest, Natalie, is 11, so I went up to her room and we just sat in a comfy pile of pillows from the Graceful Moments, Snuggly Kids™ Collection. The pillows are whimsical and bright, but also made of a sturdy poly-cotton blend so that you can have a fun pillow fight after you talk to him about what a deadbeat her father is.

Hi Grace, I recently lost my son to a drunk driver. He was only 14 and I'm in so much pain. What do I do?
--Andrea P, Great Falls, MT

Andrea, I'm so sorry to hear that. In fact, I'm so sorry, I'm giving you a 20% discount on any pillow in my Modern Urban Collection. Just use this discount code: comfort296. Congratulations. I hope a luxurious set of pillows helps to ease your suffering.

Grace, after my husband left me, I've been having thoughts of suicide. Did you ever feel that way?
--Gloria S, Denton TX

Gloria, unfortunately as a businesswoman, I don't have time to kill myself. But I do know that if I were to shoot myself in the head through one of my Oversized Microsuede throw pillows, it would probably silence the gunshot. Hope this helps!