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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Graffiti Artist Completes Masterwork ‘Still Life Of Marijuana Leaf’

BUFFALO, NY—Revealing his most recent offering, which further solidifies his rightful place in the cultural pantheon, local graffiti artist Patrick “Jester” Dunham told reporters Friday that he has at last put the finishing touches on his latest masterwork, “Still Life Of Marijuana Leaf.” “My newest creation combines the natural and the contrived, the unexpected and the everyday; it represents everything I’ve achieved so far, while also suggesting what exciting frontiers lie ahead,” Dunham said of his towering opus depicting a single monochrome Cannabis frond, which follows the aerosol master’s recent tours de force, “Anarchy Symbol,” “Dead Kennedys Logo,” and “Fuck You #8.” “In my early period, I attempted to merely assimilate the methods of those great virtuosos who came before me, but today I paint solely from within, channeling that deepest part of me and expressing my innermost self on the brick. And I think the intensity of that process comes out in my work.” Dunham added that those wishing to experience his chef d’oeuvre for themselves may do so by visiting the western exterior of the Exchange Street Amtrak station, where the painting will be displayed alongside the location’s permanent collection of bubble-letter slurs and phalluses.

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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

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