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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Grandma At Mechanic To Get Radio Stations Set

MANCHESTER, NH–Area grandma Betty Zall, 81, took her 1985 Buick LeSabre to the mechanic Tuesday, paying $55 to have the buttons on its radio pre-set. "Oh, I just wouldn't trust myself to crack the thing open and fool around in there," said Zall, who chose, among other stations, NPR, Lite 108, and a rock station for her grandson. "I'm sure something would go terribly wrong." Zall said her mechanic offered to show her how to pre-set the stations herself, but she declined, telling him, "I'm just no good with tools. I'd rather let you experts handle it."

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