adBlockCheck

Grandmother Will Live On In Arguments Over Her Wedding China

Top Headlines

Recent News

Charles Koch Orders Sniper To Fire Warning Shot Next To Marco Rubio On Debate Stage

GREENVILLE, SC—In response to the presidential candidate’s unsatisfactory answer to a question about the economic effects of environmental regulations, Koch Industries CEO Charles Koch reportedly ordered a sniper positioned in the rafters of the Greenville Peace Center to fire a warning shot near Marco Rubio’s podium during Saturday’s Republican debate.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Surprises

Grandmother Will Live On In Arguments Over Her Wedding China

WAUKESHA, WI—Although Sophia Burnhardt, matriarch of the extended Burnhardt clan, died last week, family sources confirmed that her memory will live on for years in arguments over her wedding china. "That Wedgwood tureen should come to me, since I would always help her with her taxes," Burnhardt's daughter-in-law Lois Burnhardt said at the memorial service Monday. "She loved her tea service, too," added Burnhardt's daughter Carol Harrigen, "which should stay within my family, since we visited her in Arizona when no one else would." A family spokesperson announced in a Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel remembrance note that Burnhardt would never truly die as long as her china maintained its luster.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close