adBlockCheck

Recent News

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
End Of Section
  • More News

Grandmother Will Live On In Arguments Over Her Wedding China

WAUKESHA, WI—Although Sophia Burnhardt, matriarch of the extended Burnhardt clan, died last week, family sources confirmed that her memory will live on for years in arguments over her wedding china. "That Wedgwood tureen should come to me, since I would always help her with her taxes," Burnhardt's daughter-in-law Lois Burnhardt said at the memorial service Monday. "She loved her tea service, too," added Burnhardt's daughter Carol Harrigen, "which should stay within my family, since we visited her in Arizona when no one else would." A family spokesperson announced in a Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel remembrance note that Burnhardt would never truly die as long as her china maintained its luster.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close