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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Grantland Game Recap Completely Omits Influence Of ‘NYPD Blue’ On Modern Ensemble Dramas

LOS ANGELES—Calling the exclusion “an embarrassing oversight,” visitors to Grantland today criticized the online sports publication for its notably deficient recap of a recent matchup between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Dallas Mavericks, complaining that the write-up completely omits any mention of NYPD Blue’s enormous influence on the modern ensemble drama format. “Were they even watching the same game?” Grantland reader Jeremy Cortina said of the site’s incomplete recap of last night’s Lakers-Mavericks contest, which failed to make even one reference to the ABC police procedural’s immense impact on such essentials of the canon as The Shield and The Wire. “I went into that article looking for the basics—how NYPD Blue foreshadowed creator David Milch’s later work on Deadwood, instances in which modern ensemble casts have liberally borrowed from the classic on-camera rapport displayed between leads Jimmy Smits and Dennis Franz, and how this gritty crime drama reflected the uncertainties of the Clinton administration. But it’s just a bunch of trivial stuff about stats and injuries, which team won the game, and the David O. Russell film American Hustle. Do they actually think we care about this junk?” Cortina added that he hadn’t been so disappointed in a Grantland article since its recent retrospective of Jackie Robinson’s impact on race relations in baseball failed to attempt even a passing analysis of The Cure’s Disintegration.

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