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Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.
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Gray Wolves Sighted In Capitol Building For First Time In 85 Years

Species Making Comeback In Senate Chambers, Excited Wildlife Experts Say

WASHINGTON—Wildlife biologists confirmed Friday they have documented multiple sightings of endangered gray wolves in the U.S. Capitol building, marking the first time in almost a century these elusive creatures have been observed in either house of Congress. "This is an enormous step toward restoring the species to the nation's seat of legislative power, where gray wolf populations once thrived," said zoologist Ben Garret, explaining that motion-activated C-SPAN cameras had caught an entire pack passing right through the central rotunda area, and showed one of the males briefly sniffing Sen. Joseph Lieberman's shoe before rejoining the group. "Gray wolves once sat atop a complex ecological food chain in the Capitol, roaming freely through its halls, and without them, the Senate and House membership has run rampant." Senior lawmakers have called for a swift eradication of the wolves, which they blame for startling Congress's blue-ribbon heifer, Tabitha, and causing her milk to run sour.

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