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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Great Game, Sport, Civilization Ruined By Speaking Of Phrase 'This Is For All The Tostitos®'

GLENDALE, AZ—A thrilling, down-to-the-wire BCS National Championship game between Auburn and the University of Oregon, as well as the sport of football itself and the entire 10,000-year history of civilization, was destroyed Monday night when the apocalyptic phrase "This is for all the Tostitos®" was intoned by commentator Brent Musburger just before the crucial last-second field goal that gave Auburn the now-meaningless title. "It should have been an amazing triumph for our team, not the corn-chip-endorsing downfall of the entire human race," said Auburn kicker Wes Byrum, adding that he was "despondent" at seeing the greatest moment of his life transformed into the fall of modern society. "Now, instead of celebrating with my family, we have to prepare for the marketing-driven end times." A spokesperson for Tostitos® estimated that Musburger speaking the words that ended the age of reason were worth the equivalent of $2.5 million in conventional advertising.

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