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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Great Game, Sport, Civilization Ruined By Speaking Of Phrase 'This Is For All The Tostitos®'

GLENDALE, AZ—A thrilling, down-to-the-wire BCS National Championship game between Auburn and the University of Oregon, as well as the sport of football itself and the entire 10,000-year history of civilization, was destroyed Monday night when the apocalyptic phrase "This is for all the Tostitos®" was intoned by commentator Brent Musburger just before the crucial last-second field goal that gave Auburn the now-meaningless title. "It should have been an amazing triumph for our team, not the corn-chip-endorsing downfall of the entire human race," said Auburn kicker Wes Byrum, adding that he was "despondent" at seeing the greatest moment of his life transformed into the fall of modern society. "Now, instead of celebrating with my family, we have to prepare for the marketing-driven end times." A spokesperson for Tostitos® estimated that Musburger speaking the words that ended the age of reason were worth the equivalent of $2.5 million in conventional advertising.

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