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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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'Greatest Super Bowl Ever,' Reports Incorrect Man

PITTSBURGH—In a torrent of emotion that both blanked out Kenneth Weiss' memory and skewed his judgment, the longtime Steelers fan declared Super Bowl XLIII, which most agree was in fact a very good game, to be the best Super Bowl ever. "I defy you to name a game with as much excitement," said Weiss, forgetting the seven lead changes in the 49ers' gritty Super Bowl XXIII victory, the Steelers' brilliant defensive denial of multiple comebacks in Super Bowl XIII, and the underdog Giants' victory over the arrogant undefeated Patriots last year. "I can't think of one that even came close. Best ever. Period. There can be no argument." Cooler-headed sources close to Weiss said that his choice is at least defensible, unlike those who say the greatest-ever Super Bowl was won by that jackass Joe Namath, the admittedly undefeated but unspectacular '72 Dolphins, or the fucking, fucking, fucking Cowboys.

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