adBlockCheck

Greenspan, Entourage Demolish Hotel Room

Top Headlines

Politics

Extreme Storms To Rip Through Godforsaken Midwestern Wasteland

The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Midwest, where a storm system should recede into the distance like any hope of a stable economic future; a tornado bears down on a podunk, backwater hick town; and field reporter Matt Jennings is live from God knows where.

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.

Michelle Obama: ‘Well, There Are 8 Years Of My Life I’ll Never Get Back’

PHILADELPHIA—Her face fixed in an expression of apathetic detachment as she took the stage Monday night to raucous cheers and applause, First Lady Michelle Obama reportedly began her address to the Democratic National Convention by exhaling audibly and remarking that she would never get the past eight years of her life back.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Greenspan, Entourage Demolish Hotel Room

LOS ANGELES—Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan once again found himself in legal trouble Monday, when he and several members of his extensive entourage were arrested for allegedly destroying a penthouse suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Above: Fed chief Alan Greenspan is led to a holding cell following his arrest for trashing a hotel room. It is his third such arrest in as many years.

Hotel officials say Greenspan, in town to address an annual convention of Federal Reserve District Bank presidents, caused an estimated $8,500 in damages to the room, the surrounding hallway and the swimming-pool area.

Said Beverly Hills Hotel manager Giles Laurent: "The television screen and cabinet had apparently been kicked in. Two chairs were thrown out the window. The mattress was ripped and its stuffing was flung all over the room, as well as into the hallway." Laurent added that minutes before police arrived, Greenspan, with the help of Deputy Treasury Secretary Larry Summers, pushed a vending machine off the balcony overlooking the hotel's swimming pool.

During his two-day stay at the posh hotel, Greenspan also accumulated a $781.55 room-service bill, which he has refused to pay until March 1, when he says interest rates on Deutsche Bundesbank bonds will rise to a more favorable 4.64 percent.

Witnesses to Greenspan's behavior during the days leading up to Monday's arrest said the 72-year-old head of the Federal Open Market Committee was in an unusually volatile mood.

"Upon arriving Friday, Mr. Greenspan demanded that four large bowls of M&Ms be delivered to his room, with all the orange ones removed," Beverly Hills Hotel concierge Alexander Poole said. "Then, when he got to his room and saw the bowls, he flew into a rage, knocking over lamps and screaming that he wanted the green M&Ms taken out, not the orange ones."

The famous Beverly Hills Hotel, site of the Fed chief's latest brush with the law.

Greenspan got into more trouble Saturday night, when he, Fed Vice-Chair Alice Rivlin and several other members of his inner circle visited the trendy L.A. night spot The Viper Room. Clubgoers reported seeing Greenspan, still high off the dollar's late rally against the yen Friday afternoon, shout obscenities and throw ashtrays at the club's DJ. When security personnel attempted to restrain him, Greenspan became belligerent, yelling, "I'm Alan Fucking Greenspan," and vowing to put bouncer Frank Rizzo in a "hurt bracket." The incident is already being compared to his infamous July 1997 fistfight with John Kenneth Galbraith at New York's China Club.

According to Federal Reserve Board insiders, Greenspan, buoyed by the U.S. economy's robust 5 percent growth rate in 1998, as well as flattering cover stories in Barron's, Forbes and Time, has grown increasingly megalomaniacal in recent months.

"He'll spend hours talking about how he's the greatest economist who ever lived, how he's 'bigger than Keynes,'" said one member of the Fed Board of Governors who wished to remain anonymous. "Every time he prevents economic disaster in Brazil or Indonesia by manipulating interest rates, his bloated ego just swells even more. It's just the sort of irrational exuberance he himself once warned against."

Monday's arrest is only the latest in a long string of legal troubles for the controversial Greenspan, who has had 22 court dates since becoming Fed chief in 1987. Economists recall his drunken 1994 appearance on CNN's Moneyline, during which he unleashed a profanity-laden tirade against Bureau of Engraving & Printing director Larry Rolufs and punched host Lou Dobbs when he challenged Greenspan's reluctance to lower interest rates. In November 1993, he was arrested after running shirtless through D.C. traffic while waving a gun. And some world-market watchers believe the international gold standard has still not recovered from a May 1998 incident in which he allegedly exposed his genitals on the floor of the Tokyo Stock Exchange.

The Tokyo case is still pending.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close