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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Greenspan To Play 15 Unannounced Small-Club Shows

WASHINGTON, DC—Fed chief Alan Greenspan announced Monday that he will make a series of 15 surprise appearances at small clubs this July and August. "Oh, man," said Wall Street Journal Washington Bureau correspondent Gary Perlich. "I've never seen The 'Span live. My buddy Jeff saw him back in '92 at the World Bank Conference On Recent Trends In Reserve Management in Geneva, and he said he blew the crowd away." The club dates are rumored to be a tune-up for a larger world tour in support of his hit report, The Pitfalls Of Increasingly Adversarial Trade Laws And Negotiating Practices In An Expanding World Economy (All 4 Love)

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