After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:
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Greg Behrendt Releases New Book For Children: Your Parents Aren't That Into You

LOS ANGELES—Greg Behrendt, the co-author of the bestsellers He's Just Not That Into You and It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken, has written a book targeted at younger readers, which will be released by Simon & Schuster next week. "In Your Parents Aren't That Into You, I train my funky wit and refreshing frankness on a very difficult time of childhood—the moment when kids realize they're just accessories, tax write-offs, or even mistakes," Behrendt said. "After all, the collapse of the child-parent relationship sets the tone for those to come." Your Parents Aren't That Into You, which features illustrations by Gary Panter, will also be available in an abridged stocking-stuffer size in time for Christmas.

After Birth

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