Gregg Popovich Admits Winning Championship This Year Would Mean About The Same As Previous Titles

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Vol 49 Issue 23

Uncle vs. Uncle

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Couple Keeps Marriage Together For The Sake Of No One

Taylor Swift enters an alternate universe to date a body building George Harrison, a study finds that 83 percent of gamblers quit right before they would have hit the big one, and an Asian guy has a separate group of Asian friends.

U.S. Operating Massive Online Spying Program

The National Security Agency admitted to accessing the databases of many of the largest internet companies including Google, Facebook, Apple, and Skype, allowing the agency to mine the contents of emails, photos, videos, chats, and other online data.
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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Gregg Popovich Admits Winning Championship This Year Would Mean About The Same As Previous Titles

SAN ANTONIO—After reaching his fifth NBA championship series, Spurs head coach Gregg Popovich admitted to reporters Wednesday that winning this year’s title would mean almost exactly as much to him as the previous four he’s won. “Every time you win an NBA championship, you win one title, and this would be just like that,” said Popovich, confirming that winning a championship is good and “that is what you want to do.” “I’ve won four, but a fifth would be nice. Every title is important, but not more important than the other ones.” At press time, Popovich confessed that preventing LeBron James from winning a second consecutive NBA championship would mean more than all the Spurs’ titles combined.

UPDATE: Popovich and center Tim Duncan are reportedly engaged in a lengthy discussion on the effects of external conditions on life experiences and whether intensity of human emotion is something capable of quantifiable or simply anecdotal examination.

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