adBlockCheck

Gretzky: 'I Never Bet On Baseball'

Top Headlines

Sports

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?

Former WWE Wrestler Found Alive At 44

PHOENIX—In a revelation that has sent shockwaves through the wrestling world, sources confirmed that former WWE wrestler Freddy Hendricks, better known as his in-ring persona “Time Bomb,” was discovered alive Friday at the age of 44.

Strongside/Weakside: Dak Prescott

Having assumed the role after Tony Romo’s injury during the preseason, Dak Prescott is expected to open the NFL regular season as the first rookie quarterback to start for the Dallas Cowboys since 2004. Is he any good?

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Gretzky: 'I Never Bet On Baseball'

TURIN, ITALY—Despite being at the forefront of an illegal hockey-gambling-ring controversy, former hockey great and head coach of Canada's Olympic hockey team Wayne Gretzky once again reaffirmed his claim that he has never placed a bet on a professional baseball game. "I can say with great certainty that I never bet on the Cincinnati Reds, and that I never bet on baseball, nor do I intend to, nor would I even know where to begin if I were to do so," said Gretzky, who will now likely never gain admission to the National Baseball Hall of Fame. "I would never risk everything to compromise the integrity of a popular, strictly regulated American sport such as baseball. Players and fans know this. Commissioner Selig knows this. Virtually everyone knows this." Gretzky, who has an implicit lifetime ban on playing or coaching in the major leagues, recently came out in support of Pete Rose, saying he doesn't think Rose ever bet on hockey.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close