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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Greyhound Now Charging Customers $15 Fee To Vomit In Aisle

DALLAS—Greyhound passengers accustomed to complimentary vomiting in the aisles will now be charged a $15 fee to do so, com≠pany representatives announced Monday. "In order to better serve our customers in the future, we have instituted a small surcharge for those needing to empty their stomach down the center walkway," said spokesman Don Randall, adding that once riders wipe themselves off, they can pay with any major debit or credit card. "We recommend passengers wishing to avoid paying the fee puke on one of the chairs in the terminal beforehand." Despite the new changes, Randall assured customers that masturbating under a bulky winter coat would always be free.

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