Greyhound Now Offering Direct Service From Kansas To L.A. Porn Director's Driveway

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Vol 45 Issue 47

Nets Announce Team Is In Re-Demolition Mode

EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—In a continuing effort to destroy their roster and ultimately cause their team's collapse, Nets officials announced Monday that the franchise was entrenched in a long-term re-demolition process.

Several 2009 MLB Awards Clearly Thought Up On The Spot

NEW YORK—A number of players suggested to reporters Monday that, with accolades such as the AL Platinum Baseman Award and the Best Lead Off of the Year Trophy, the Baseball Writers' Association of America was almost certainly making up its year-end honors on the spot.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Greyhound Now Offering Direct Service From Kansas To L.A. Porn Director's Driveway

DALLAS—In an effort to reduce travel times for thousands of customers every year, Greyhound Lines announced Monday that it will now offer regular bus service from anywhere in the state of Kansas directly to the driveway of a Los Angeles–area pornographic film director. "It's our job to get riders where they're going as conveniently as possible, and since 40 percent of our passengers traveling to Hollywood end up at an adult filmmaker's door anyway, we figured this was the logical next step," said Greyhound CEO David Leach, who confirmed that a postcard reading 'I'm doing fine! I got a job modeling!' will be automatically mailed to passengers' parents 36 hours after their arrival. "A standard one-way ticket covers the heartbreakingly hopeful ride out for $80, and for the $120 round-trip option, you can return home—broke and psychologically devastated—three and a half months later." Greyhound also unveiled special "Family Pack" tickets for frantic relatives wishing to travel to Hollywood in search of their missing loved ones.

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