Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
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Greyhound Now Offering Direct Service From Kansas To L.A. Porn Director's Driveway

DALLAS—In an effort to reduce travel times for thousands of customers every year, Greyhound Lines announced Monday that it will now offer regular bus service from anywhere in the state of Kansas directly to the driveway of a Los Angeles–area pornographic film director. "It's our job to get riders where they're going as conveniently as possible, and since 40 percent of our passengers traveling to Hollywood end up at an adult filmmaker's door anyway, we figured this was the logical next step," said Greyhound CEO David Leach, who confirmed that a postcard reading 'I'm doing fine! I got a job modeling!' will be automatically mailed to passengers' parents 36 hours after their arrival. "A standard one-way ticket covers the heartbreakingly hopeful ride out for $80, and for the $120 round-trip option, you can return home—broke and psychologically devastated—three and a half months later." Greyhound also unveiled special "Family Pack" tickets for frantic relatives wishing to travel to Hollywood in search of their missing loved ones.

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