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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Gross Doctors Recommend Drinking 8 Warm Cups Of Clam Juice A Day

ATLANTA—A report released Friday by the Centers for Disease Control's Department of Gross Medicine concludes that people should consume eight cups of warm clam juice a day. "There are clear health benefits to drinking room-temperature clam juice that still has bits of the shell floating around in it," said disgusting physician Dr. Stephen Lewis, adding that in order to ensure the body absorbs the nutrients, one must allow the tepid, briny bivalve-mollusk extract to sit in the back of one's throat for several seconds before swallowing. "After you drink your fourth cup of clam juice, eat whatever is in between your toes, or stir your toe jam into your fifth cup of clam juice so you can have both at the same time. It's great for you." The gag- inducing doctors added that individuals with shellfish allergies may, as a substitute, chug a gallon of tofu runoff.

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Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

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