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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Groundbreaking Young Adult Novel Features Protagonist Who’s A Bit Of A Loner

BEND, OR—Poised to shake up the genre with its daring choice of protagonist, a groundbreaking young adult novel released this week by author Joan Berman reportedly makes the bold choice of following a moody, independently minded high school student who could be described as something of a loner. “Rather than focusing on a popular member of the in-crowd, Happy Nowhere challenges readers’ expectations by telling the outcast’s story,” said book critic Anna Meier, noting that the work’s convention-defying heroine, 16-year-old Shelby Sartell, doesn’t particularly fit in with her classmates, sometimes gets teased and bullied, and even has a rather unusual family life. “With this novel, Berman breaks the mold, giving voice to a young woman who isn’t exactly part of the mainstream—someone you might say marches to the beat of her own drum. It’s an audacious choice, but somehow, you actually find yourself rooting for the kid. I think we’ll be surprised by how well teens respond to this trailblazing literary direction.” Meier added that in a fresh twist on the straightforward two-person relationships seen in most young adult novels, Happy Nowhere involves a more complicated love triangle.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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