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Web Series Reaches 100 Views

A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Group Of '90s Footnotes Welcomes Gingrich Home

NEW YORK—Saying they held no grudge against him and were just glad he was back where he belongs, a group of cultural footnotes from the 1990s announced today that they were happy to welcome home former Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich. "We told him there wasn't a place for him in 2012, but Newt's always been a bit stubborn," said Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale, who spoke to reporters at a festive gathering that also featured Whitewater prosecutor Kenneth Starr, television personality Arsenio Hall, the bumblebee girl from the video for the Blind Melon song "No Rain," and former NBA forward Dennis Rodman. "All that matters now is that he's home safe, tucked away with the rest of us in a sidebar of late-20th-century Americana. As long as he promises never to leave again, all is forgiven." At press time, Gingrich was seen tearfully embracing participants in the Million Man March.

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