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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Group Of Fifth-Grade Boys Discover Pile Of Naked Ladies Discarded In Woods

FREEPORT, ME—Excitedly pushing past each other as they gathered around the slightly soggy pile, a group of overjoyed local fifth-graders came across several perfectly good naked ladies lying right in the woods behind the baseball field, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Whoa! Look at all of them—you can see everything!” said wide-eyed 11-year-old Joshua Goldstein as he knelt down to closely inspect each one of the fully nude young women lying in a haphazard heap on the ground, before turning his attention to a large-breasted one left draped over a log. “Sure, they’re a little dirty, and a couple of them look like they’re from the ’70s, but after we dry them off they’ll be perfect. They’re still in pretty good shape! Who would just leave them lying out here like this?” After concluding that their mothers might discover the nude women if they brought them home, the boys reportedly decided to tuck the naked ladies under some bushes and come back to look at them later.

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