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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Group Of Good-Looking People All Headed Toward Same Place

DOWNTOWN—A procession of strikingly attractive people, tastefully dressed for an evening out and sporting high-priced yet pleasantly understated fragrances, passed by you on their way uptown Saturday midway through your 45-minute wait for a bus. "Man, their cheekbones are like granite cliffs," you thought to yourself of the walking advertisements for health, breeding, and bespoke tailoring. "I wonder where they're all going? I bet it's fun. I probably couldn't get in even if I could afford it, though." One of the women, a statuesque blonde with exotic jade-green eyes wearing an impossibly elegant black cocktail dress, gave you a friendly smile and brief nod, the warmth and earnestness of which just made the whole thing that much worse.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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