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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Group Of Good-Looking People All Headed Toward Same Place

DOWNTOWN—A procession of strikingly attractive people, tastefully dressed for an evening out and sporting high-priced yet pleasantly understated fragrances, passed by you on their way uptown Saturday midway through your 45-minute wait for a bus. "Man, their cheekbones are like granite cliffs," you thought to yourself of the walking advertisements for health, breeding, and bespoke tailoring. "I wonder where they're all going? I bet it's fun. I probably couldn't get in even if I could afford it, though." One of the women, a statuesque blonde with exotic jade-green eyes wearing an impossibly elegant black cocktail dress, gave you a friendly smile and brief nod, the warmth and earnestness of which just made the whole thing that much worse.

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