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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Group Of Kids With Diabetes All Die One Day After Visit From Jay Cutler

CHICAGO—Less than 24 hours after a visit from Bears quarterback and Type 1 diabetes sufferer Jay Cutler, a group of 32 schoolchildren who shared his disease died Tuesday. "Their spirits were really high just before Mr. Cutler arrived, but literally the second he entered the room the kids just sort of closed off, and once he started talking about how poorly he was treated in Denver, they became sullen and quiet," said Erin Matthews, who until Tuesday ran a diabetes support group for children ages 8 to 14 at the downtown YMCA. "After I recovered from my shock, I was surprised that all the children died, seeing as diabetes isn't terminal and can be controlled with medication. However, considering how sickened they were by Mr. Cutler, well, it sort of makes sense. That the kids were able to live through the entire talk is a testament to their bravery." Since his professional football career began in 2006, Cutler has killed more than 3,000 disabled or sick children by taking time to speak to them.

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