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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Group That Makes Dodge Truck Commercials Called 'Creative Team'

LOS ANGELES—The group of professional adults responsible for making television commercials in which Dodge trucks drive through various wilderness environments or haul noticeably heavy objects is referred to by the auto manufacturer as "the creative team," sources confirmed Tuesday. "As creative director, my job is to convey to the consumer in a meaningful way the ongoing vitality of the Dodge Ram brand," said senior vice president Frank Hammond, whose sole contribution to his company's most recent campaign was to suggest the ads "show the tires more." Hammond's team of 15 people, all of whom have the word "creative" in their titles, most re≠cently produced a $4.5 million 30-second spot that features the 2011 Dodge Ram 1500 stopping abruptly at the edge of a cliff.

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