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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Guests Emerge Shell-Shocked From Rich People's Wedding

MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA—Citing its 80-piece orchestra and real silver place settings, several of the 500 guests at Saturday's wedding of Boston socialite Elizabeth Kessler and investment banker Peter Graham emerged from the affair dazed and disoriented, sources told reporters. "I've never seen anything like this," said Beth Risser, tightly clasping to her chest the commemorative wedding iPod preloaded with the bride and groom's favorite songs while she waited for the valet to deliver her 1996 Mazda. "There were swans everywhere, 12 videographers, and about $800 worth of candles at my table alone. And was that Henry Kissinger next to the raw oyster bar?" While many of the attendees were bewildered by the spectacle they had witnessed, at least 6 percent of the guests left the wedding worried that the Kesslers had fallen on hard times.

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