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What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Contents Of The Voyager Golden Record

Forty years ago this week, NASA launched Voyager 2, which carries a gold-plated record featuring pictures and sounds from Earth as well as scientific information, all of which was carefully compiled in anticipation of a possible extraterrestrial encounter. Here are the contents of the record:
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Guinness World Records Promotes Man Who Can Lift 27 Pounds With Tongue To Editor-In-Chief

LONDON—Citing the man’s remarkable ability to lift 27.56 pounds using only his tongue, executives at Guinness World Records on Tuesday officially named creative vice president Thomas Blackthorne as the reference book’s new editor-in-chief. “There were many qualified candidates—from our 2-foot-tall media director Jyoti Amge to our fact checker, the world’s largest pumpkin—but ultimately Thomas showed he wanted the job most,” said outgoing editor Craig Glenday, explaining that while the executive board was quite impressed by managing editor Mitsugu Kikai’s large collection of Super Mario memorabilia and publisher Lee Redmond’s 3-foot fingernails, Blackthorne was the only candidate who lifted 27 pounds and 8.96 ounces entirely with his tongue. “After seeing him distinguish himself from an exceptional applicant pool that included the fastest-ever person to enter a zipped suitcase, a crowd of 2,219 people simultaneously doing the Macarena, and a man who crushed 43 watermelons with his forehead in one minute, we are fully confident Thomas is the man to lead our organization into the future.” Blackthorne’s former duties as creative vice president will reportedly be handled by Peter O’Toole, recipient of the most Best Actor Oscar nominations without a win.

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