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Guitar Music Fad Runs Course

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Guitar Music Fad Runs Course

CLEVELAND—Nearly six decades after electric-guitar-based rock and roll began its dominance of mainstream popular music, the fad has finally run its course, a group of fans, critics, and record industry executives confirmed Sunday. "At this point, who'd want to sit through another incendiary guitar solo?" said Eric Clapton, a guitarist. "There's really only so much you can do with the thing. The guitar has had a nice run, but it's time to move on." Confirming reports that six-string sales have plummeted, music store owners noted that business has been steady overall, with teenagers eager to put down $500 in hopes of riding to stardom on the new clarinet craze.

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