Gumption Rewarded With Even More Work

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.


Local Household Announces Plans To Overdo Halloween Again

HIGHLAND PARK, IL—Having hauled over a dozen boxes of lights and plastic decorations as well as a large black-cat-shaped lawn inflatable from storage, members of the Hutchcroft family announced to neighbors from their front yard Thursday their plan to completely overdo Halloween again this year.

Gumption Rewarded With Even More Work

BROOKLYN, MI—Homex Plastics floor manager Mike DiCenzo, who often puts in 60-hour weeks to make sure his employer's small factory runs smoothly, was rewarded with extra work. "DiCenzo showed a commitment above and beyond his job description by monitoring each machine and quality-checking each of the products produced in the last quarter," an article in PlasticTalk's "Lateral Moves" section read. "In recognition, Homex management added these duties to his job description, and gave him extra responsibilities on the premix and maintenance lines." DiCenzo received the title of Supervising Floor Manager and no raise in pay.