Gumption Rewarded With Even More Work

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Vol 42 Issue 03

Death With Dignity Upheld

The Supreme Court upheld Oregon's Death With Dignity Act, a law that enables Oregon doctors to help terminally ill patients die. What do you...

Latin America Leaning Left

With the election of Socialist pediatrician Michelle Bachelet in Chile, Latin America is leaning further to the left. What do you think?

Patriots' 2006 Victory Parade Awkward, Sparsely Attended

BOSTON—Poor player attendance, negligible fan turnout, and a marked lack of general enthusiasm marred the New England Patriots' annual season-ending parade through the streets of Boston Monday in what is being regarded as the worst such parade in the last three years.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Originality

  • Restaurant Gives Totally Unwanted Twist To Mexican Cuisine

    BERKELEY, CA—Claiming that the eatery was already generating a buzz among locals with its “East Meets Mex” flavors, owners of the Bento Burrito location on Shattuck Avenue explained to reporters Tuesday how their new restaurant offers a ...

Gumption Rewarded With Even More Work

BROOKLYN, MI—Homex Plastics floor manager Mike DiCenzo, who often puts in 60-hour weeks to make sure his employer's small factory runs smoothly, was rewarded with extra work. "DiCenzo showed a commitment above and beyond his job description by monitoring each machine and quality-checking each of the products produced in the last quarter," an article in PlasticTalk's "Lateral Moves" section read. "In recognition, Homex management added these duties to his job description, and gave him extra responsibilities on the premix and maintenance lines." DiCenzo received the title of Supervising Floor Manager and no raise in pay.
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