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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Gumption Rewarded With Even More Work

BROOKLYN, MI—Homex Plastics floor manager Mike DiCenzo, who often puts in 60-hour weeks to make sure his employer's small factory runs smoothly, was rewarded with extra work. "DiCenzo showed a commitment above and beyond his job description by monitoring each machine and quality-checking each of the products produced in the last quarter," an article in PlasticTalk's "Lateral Moves" section read. "In recognition, Homex management added these duties to his job description, and gave him extra responsibilities on the premix and maintenance lines." DiCenzo received the title of Supervising Floor Manager and no raise in pay.
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