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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Gun Goes Off During Life's Third Act

CHEYENNE, WY—A gun introduced during the childhood of local resident Keith Johnson went off near the end of his life's third act Wednesday, finally resolving the dramatic tension that had gripped the residents of Cheyenne. The revolver, which was inherited from Johnson's emotionally distant father, was a frequent background detail in the unfolding narrative, though its importance had been dismissed until a drunken Johnson brought it out in front of his wife, Susan, and daughter, Katie toward the end of his marriage's second act. While only fleeting and disconnected images were available at press time, including the gun itself smoking on the floor next to Katie's favorite doll, consequences of Johnson's action will not be known until police reopen the scene and either begin the fourth act of Johnson's life or announce an epilogue.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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