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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Gun Show Vendor Jokes With Insane Customer About How He Hopes He's Not Insane

ANDERSON, IN—While he was selling mentally unstable customer Bernie Lovell a brand-new hunting rifle earlier this afternoon, local gun show vendor Mark Palmer joked with the new firearm owner and insane man about how he “sure hopes” he’s not insane. “Boy, that sure would be something if you turned out to be one of those lunatics who shoots up a school or a mall or whatnot, right? Ha, ha!” said Palmer, laughing unknowingly with a clinically deranged individual about how the man “better not be a crazy person.” “Promise not to do that? Ha, just kidding! Anyway, you need some ammo with this?” Immediately after the two finished laughing, Lovell grabbed the rifle, stared blankly at Palmer’s face for 20 seconds, and left the gun show.

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