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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Guy At Bar Complaining About His Job Turns Out To Be Eli Manning

NEW YORK—The staff and patrons of Manhattan watering hole P.J. Clarke's were only mildly surprised Monday night to learn that the gangly young man at the end of the bar grumbling about his occupation in a southern drawl was in fact Giants quarterback Eli Manning. "Go into the family business, they told me, it's what we've prepared you for—for—for your whole life," the visibly unhappy Manning told bartender Mel Gilchrist, who "really felt for the poor sap" even before recognizing Manning. "But. But! They didn't tell me that people would hate me if I wasn't perfect… I'm not perfect, y'know! I'm not, not—Peyton—and sure enough, they hate me. Not, though, not as much as I hate going to work every day." Upon realizing exactly who Manning was, a sympathetic Gilchrist reportedly bought his next three rounds.

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