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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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Guy At Bar Complaining About His Job Turns Out To Be Eli Manning

NEW YORK—The staff and patrons of Manhattan watering hole P.J. Clarke's were only mildly surprised Monday night to learn that the gangly young man at the end of the bar grumbling about his occupation in a southern drawl was in fact Giants quarterback Eli Manning. "Go into the family business, they told me, it's what we've prepared you for—for—for your whole life," the visibly unhappy Manning told bartender Mel Gilchrist, who "really felt for the poor sap" even before recognizing Manning. "But. But! They didn't tell me that people would hate me if I wasn't perfect… I'm not perfect, y'know! I'm not, not—Peyton—and sure enough, they hate me. Not, though, not as much as I hate going to work every day." Upon realizing exactly who Manning was, a sympathetic Gilchrist reportedly bought his next three rounds.

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