adBlockCheck

Guy At Bar Complaining About His Job Turns Out To Be Eli Manning

Top Headlines

Sports

Area Man Unsure If He’s Male-Bonding Or Being Bullied

Perplexed local man Russell Chambliss has no idea if the coworkers seated with him at Malone’s Irish Tavern are attempting to forge a male bond with him or cruelly harassing him, the 26-year-old shipping clerk told reporters Wednesday evening.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Guy At Bar Complaining About His Job Turns Out To Be Eli Manning

NEW YORK—The staff and patrons of Manhattan watering hole P.J. Clarke's were only mildly surprised Monday night to learn that the gangly young man at the end of the bar grumbling about his occupation in a southern drawl was in fact Giants quarterback Eli Manning. "Go into the family business, they told me, it's what we've prepared you for—for—for your whole life," the visibly unhappy Manning told bartender Mel Gilchrist, who "really felt for the poor sap" even before recognizing Manning. "But. But! They didn't tell me that people would hate me if I wasn't perfect… I'm not perfect, y'know! I'm not, not—Peyton—and sure enough, they hate me. Not, though, not as much as I hate going to work every day." Upon realizing exactly who Manning was, a sympathetic Gilchrist reportedly bought his next three rounds.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close