Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Guy Eats Own Weight In Combos Over Three-Month Period

CULLMAN, AL—In the past three months, John "Jenko" Quigley, 26, has casually consumed 276 pounds of pepperoni-pizza-flavored Combos snacks, an amount equal to his own body weight. "Actually, Jenko weighs almost 300 pounds now, but he was 276 when he started around New Year's Day," friend Darrell Nenn said Monday. "Guess all those bite-sized pretzels with cheese-flavored filling can really pork a guy out." Quigley said he began eating the popular snack food to curb his appetite between meals, but continued long after his hunger was cheesed away.


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