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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Guy From Sopranos Drops By Local Pizza Parlor For Free Slice

MANALAPAN, NJ—Upon getting hungry, actor Tony Sirico, best known for his role as Paulie "Walnuts" Gualtieri on The Sopranos, drove to a Manalapan-area pizza parlor Tuesday in order to obtain a free slice of cheese pizza. Sirico, who entered the establishment wearing a jogging suit similar to the one his character wore in the popular HBO series, was immediately recognized and offered a complimentary slice, which he accepted. "I didn't ask for extra toppings or nothing, because that'd be pushing it," said Sirico, who also did not correct the store's owner when he referred to him as "Paulie." "But I loaded it up pretty good with the garlic and Parmesan shakers they got off to the side. That's the way to do it." Sirico then drove 15 minutes to Don's Pizza King in Allenwood, NJ to get another slice.

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