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34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Mom Produces Decorative Gift Bag Out Of Thin Air

LEXINGTON, MA—Conjuring the item into existence along with several sheets of perfectly coordinated tissue paper, local mother Caroline Wolfson, 49, reportedly produced a decorative gift bag out of thin air Tuesday within a mere fraction of a second of her daughter mentioning she needed to wrap a present.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Roommate Skulking Around Edge Of Party Like Victorian Ghost Child

SEATTLE—Appearing initially in the far corner of the living room and then several minutes later on the threshold between the kitchen and the hallway, local roommate Kelsey Stahl was, by multiple accounts, seen skulking around the edge of a house party Friday like a Victorian ghost child.
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Guy From Sopranos Drops By Local Pizza Parlor For Free Slice

MANALAPAN, NJ—Upon getting hungry, actor Tony Sirico, best known for his role as Paulie "Walnuts" Gualtieri on The Sopranos, drove to a Manalapan-area pizza parlor Tuesday in order to obtain a free slice of cheese pizza. Sirico, who entered the establishment wearing a jogging suit similar to the one his character wore in the popular HBO series, was immediately recognized and offered a complimentary slice, which he accepted. "I didn't ask for extra toppings or nothing, because that'd be pushing it," said Sirico, who also did not correct the store's owner when he referred to him as "Paulie." "But I loaded it up pretty good with the garlic and Parmesan shakers they got off to the side. That's the way to do it." Sirico then drove 15 minutes to Don's Pizza King in Allenwood, NJ to get another slice.

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