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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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Guy 'Just Giving You A Hard Time' Truly Despises You

RED BANK, NJ—Several coworkers have confirmed that colleague Eric Grasso's daily ribbing stems from a deep-seated hatred of you and everything you stand for. "Hey champ, pretty fancy shirt you got there," said Grasso as you walked past the break room wearing your slightly glossy blue dress shirt. "Going clubbing tonight, or are you wearing that cheap cologne just for me? Kidding. C'mon, you know I love you." The news will not stop Grasso from pretending to push you in front of a moving bus during your lunch break later today, while half the office, including the woman from Accounting you were planning to ask out, looks on.

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