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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Guy Wearing Texans Jersey Mercilessly Abused By Fans At Reliant Stadium

HOUSTON—Shouts of “Go to hell!” and “Eat shit, loser!” were heard from the stands Sunday night as a man wearing a Texans jersey was subjected to fierce harassment and abuse by fans at Reliant Stadium, sources confirmed. “Take that off, asshole!” one fan reportedly screamed as a cascade of boos, insults, and obscenities from the entire section were directed at the man, who was also given the middle finger by several spectators in an adjacent row. “You think you can show up here wearing that shit? Go home before you get your fucking ass kicked!” At press time, after being hit with a cup of beer, security had escorted the man out of the stadium for his own safety.

UPDATE:

Sources just confirmed that the aforementioned section of fans has resumed watching the game and are now loudly shouting obscenities at the Texans.

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