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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Guy Wearing Texans Jersey Mercilessly Abused By Fans At Reliant Stadium

HOUSTON—Shouts of “Go to hell!” and “Eat shit, loser!” were heard from the stands Sunday night as a man wearing a Texans jersey was subjected to fierce harassment and abuse by fans at Reliant Stadium, sources confirmed. “Take that off, asshole!” one fan reportedly screamed as a cascade of boos, insults, and obscenities from the entire section were directed at the man, who was also given the middle finger by several spectators in an adjacent row. “You think you can show up here wearing that shit? Go home before you get your fucking ass kicked!” At press time, after being hit with a cup of beer, security had escorted the man out of the stadium for his own safety.

UPDATE:

Sources just confirmed that the aforementioned section of fans has resumed watching the game and are now loudly shouting obscenities at the Texans.

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