Guy Who Just Beat You To Bus Stop Usain Bolt

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Vol 44 Issue 35

Mugabe Heckled By Parliament

President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe was loudly derided as a murderer by the Movement for Democratic Change as he opened a meeting of parliament. What...
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Guy Who Just Beat You To Bus Stop Usain Bolt

NEW YORK—Eyewitnesses confirm that the unusually quick young man who sprinted past you on the sidewalk this morning carrying a briefcase in one hand and a tall coffee in the other and easily caught the bus that you missed by over 10 seconds was, in fact, multiple Olympic gold medalist and world record holder Usain Bolt. "Why, hello there," said Bolt when you finally arrived at the office, noting that he had already finished his coffee, gotten the last onion bagel from the break room, taken the sports page from the office copy of USA Today, and started chatting up the new girl in marketing. "What kept you?" People who saw Bolt run past you say he would have caught the bus even more easily had he not been celebrating and taunting you for the last half-block.

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