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Guy Who Just Beat You To Bus Stop Usain Bolt

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Guy Who Just Beat You To Bus Stop Usain Bolt

NEW YORK—Eyewitnesses confirm that the unusually quick young man who sprinted past you on the sidewalk this morning carrying a briefcase in one hand and a tall coffee in the other and easily caught the bus that you missed by over 10 seconds was, in fact, multiple Olympic gold medalist and world record holder Usain Bolt. "Why, hello there," said Bolt when you finally arrived at the office, noting that he had already finished his coffee, gotten the last onion bagel from the break room, taken the sports page from the office copy of USA Today, and started chatting up the new girl in marketing. "What kept you?" People who saw Bolt run past you say he would have caught the bus even more easily had he not been celebrating and taunting you for the last half-block.

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