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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Guy Who Just Wiped Out Immediately Claims He's Fine

SOUTH BURLINGTON, VT— A fraction of a second after wiping out on a patch of ice,
South Burlington pedestrian Isaac Berkman loudly insisted that he was fine. "I'm
fine, I'm fine, I'm fine," Berkman, 24, told concerned onlookers before he even
straightened his badly twisted legs and attempted to stand up. "I'm okay." After
noticing a deep gash just below his left knee, Berkman instantly assured witnesses that
the heavily bleeding wound was "no biggie" and "totally under
control."

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